Nuclear-Immigration-Climate: 3 things Obama can do for us

This post has 395 words. It will take approximately 1 minute, 19 secondes for reading it.

I started by writing a serious blog on what India should expect from Obama in India. Unfortunately, the blog lasted 10 lines and 30 minutes.

Here is another effort to pass my message to Mr. Obama.

  1. Nuclear Deal:

Since you have already used your executive powers to give us the nuclear stuff we need to take the country to next level. How about you show more leniency and make no one liable to any tragedy happening in the country.

I am not saying making anyone liable would do anyone any good. It’s just that Supreme Court has become stronger and with nothing on paper, no one goes punished legally ;)    Courtesy : Topnews.in

Also, this would make things simpler. If there is a nuclear tragedy and US is liable, our politicians will let the officials run away like they did during Bhopal tragedy and if India is liable then obviously…Nothing happens :).

Also, you should find a way or two to ensure that out of generosity, curiosity or sympathy, the same yardstick is not applicable to our neighbor Pakistan. You never know who might get the next nuclear bomb.

 

  1. Immigration laws:

India is one of the best supplier of illegal immigrants all across World and US is our top export destination. I know you have been very lenient with your latest immigration bill, which has helped millions of immigrants in US.

The only issue I have about the bill is that it does not consider the people, who come via illegal routes like Mexico, sea or hidden inside the luggage section in planes.

If you can do some jugaad and give them a visa on arrival…You are our man :)

 

  1. Climate Deal:

Time has come for your countrymen to understand that India still hasn’t reached its pollution limit. We still have a huge forest cover to take care off and we are doing our best to get rid of these forests through rampant construction and illegal mining.

I would ask you to listen to us in next climate talks and give us more relaxation in letting out our smoke. Just to let you know, this is not pollution but development.

We cannot be having a show down with your officials time and again.

 

In return, you get to be our Number one weapon supplier. Who wants Russia or France, when we have US by our side?

Are the doors closed for you Mr. Srinivasan?

This post has 815 words. It will take approximately 2 minutes, 43 secondes for reading it.

“Not yet” is what the ICC boss will say, if this question is posed directly to him.

Mr. N Srinivasan is from the club of people whose motto of success is “Never say die” and such is his lust for power that he will find out a lacuna or two in the present judgment of Supreme Court to stick to his beloved seat of “BCCI Boss”.

Damn the game! It was never about the game or love of game.n-srinivasan-has-found-himself-under-the-scanner-for-the-last-two-years

It was always about being at the top of his own personal game of being at the top of a governing body, which controls the affairs of cricket.

Mr. Srinivasan’s story is full of turns and twists. The president of India Cements, a multi-million dollar company’s ascend to the top of BCCI has not been without controversies.

He has been witty, smart and ruthless in his journey.

The obstacles (mere mortals) have been manipulated in the power game through promises of posts, and other means. Those not willing to toe the line were shown the door mercilessly.

Here is a quick look at how the rules were bent under Srinivasan.

Srinivasan was the BCCI secretary when IPL was planned by Lalit Modi (a friend turned foe). Srini saw the opportunity of this turning into a big league and approached the boss Sharad Pawar to manipulate the rule.

Forget all the criticism Pawar has for Srini today. There was a time Srini and Pawar were in good terms and such was his influence, a new clause was added to allow the BCCI members to have their own teams.

The partners in crime, Lalit Modi and Sri went ahead and got stakes in Rajasthan Royals and Chennai Super kings (directly or indirectly).

At a later stage, Srinivasan as the BCCI chief went on to compensate Chennai Super Kings crores of rupees in some tournament. The irony is this was the same guy sitting at both sides of table, as a receiver and giver. Plainly speaking, Mr. Srinivasan took the money from BCCI and gave it to himself :).

Now how convenient is this.

Anyways the BCCI was a different unit under Srinivasan. From top to bottom, the organization was/is full of men, who would not dare raise a voice against the boss.

To increase his clout, Srini went ahead and got dhoni as a VP in India Cements. I have nothing against Dhoni and still believe, he is one of the finest player to have captained India but there is always a question which creeps in out of his closeness to the BCCI Chief on why was he given such a long run as a test captain?

Now how the story took a bad turn for BCCI chief is another interesting story.

The problem started when few innocuous looking calls were traced as betting calls. Few men were caught and a betting nexus in between players and betters was discovered.

The IPL turned out to be a big tamasha with lot of dirt being swept blindly under the carpet.

One arrest led to another and finally we had a series of skeletons trembling out of the closet.

Mr. Srinivisan’s son-in-law, a cricket enthusiast was caught talking cricket and explaining matches to his match fixer buddies.

Never to give up, The BCCI chief in his unmatched style got a committee setup to bring the guilty to justice.

Can you imagine a father in law acting against his Son in law?

I have watched enough Hindi movies to understand this delicate relation :) . As expected, the committee just found Mr. Gurunath as a cricket enthusiast innocently discussing monopoly game on the phone.

Had it not been for CAB chief Mr. Verma (whose association was barred from BCCI, since he did not toe the line), the game would have gone on with all the corruption and ill dealings running along.

With the BCCI elections approaching, Srinivasan thought of prolonging his BCCI career by manipulating another rule and he did get the rule manipulated thereby making him a representative of east zone. This time east zone was to nominate a BCCI president and Mr. Srinivasan was the nomination.

Yay!!! Game Over.

This is the best bohemie between East and South after a long time.

The northies were the veil party now. Punjab Cricket association and Cricket Association of Bihar were the badies trying to get the south versus north battle inside cricket J.

Time has come for Srinivasan to hang his shoes and make way for someone (not from his camp) else or he can see “Cricket Enthusiasts” like me and million more lose interest in the game and shift to hockey, kabbadi, badminton, soccer or anything that is not controlled by him or India Cements.

I hope the Jugaads to stick to the seat are over and there is some respite for the “Cricket crazy turned Cricket sick” public.

Interviewing The Great Indian Litterbug!

This post has 707 words. It will take approximately 2 minutes, 21 secondes for reading it.

The Times of Viruses, a journalist community of viruses decided to get hold of the Alpha Virus Litterbug and find out why a famous newspaper like Times of India is after the life of this noble soul.

Here are the excerpts from our interview.

Who are you?Image Courtesy : teacherstimesaver.com

 

From aunties in the house to the bunties in the park, I can be seen everywhere.

 

You can love me, hate me but you cannot ignore me because I am the keeda (bug) that makes you so free willed.

 

I am the reason the Right to freedom to move and litter as per convenience was coined.

 

How did you originate?

 

Interesting question.

 

When British were planning to leave India, they decided to un-british us. Not an easy thing to do, when most of the population was more British than the original goras were.

 

This is where they invented me as a virus to make sure one thing which leads to a huge fine in their country should be fine/penalty free in this country and here I am.

 

Like a virus created by a psycho scientist in a Hollywood flick, I have multiplied and mutated the Indian Population.

 

What are your qualities?

 

I give a new meaning to the word Freedom.

 

With me, you can spit, pee, chuck garbage, pollute, populate as per your convenience.

 

I am the reason for democracy and hypocrisy, coexisting together.

 

Though I do not like to boast about my qualities and achievement, I can do a complete list of how I am The Complete Package that allows the citizens of this country to make their lives convenient.

 

And since you have been so persistent and jealous of all the media attention I am getting. Here is how I have been the Alpha Virus infecting generations and generations of Indian population:

  •  I make sure your house is always free of garbage and you do not have to take any inconvenience to see that smelly garbage junk in your house. My presence allows you to open the window of your house and chuck the muck without any aftereffects to think of.
  •  I am the reason you gutka eating guys can keep your cars clean by spitting out in a fraction of second by opening your car window. Furthermore, I am the reason because of whom the car gymnasts are where they are. Look at how some of the infected car driving population is able to open the door of their car and spit out ensuring not even a single drop of gutka touches their car. For a person passing by, this trick is no less than what a gymnast can do.
  • Have you ever thought how difficult it is to find a toilet in this country? If not for me, you would not know the trick of peeing by the side of road gracefully. I am the one who taught you the art of peeing without seeing :)

Any Threats?

 Not really but with this new PM talking about swach bharat, I feel my authority being undermined. I do a thankless job of finding creative ways to make your life easy and here you are teaching everyone to get rid of the litterbug.

Anyways, this is a long shot. I am too much of a convenience to be taken out so inconveniently.

 

Any plans?           

I am trying to reach planes and space. The only issue is the humans sitting inside plane and space crafts are too disciplined to let me make their life easy.

Imagine a scenario, when you can open the window of your airplane and spit down from there.

The very thought has my adrenaline rushing.

I am hoping the tobacco industry finds a Minister to take this down as my death wish and pass this to the Airplane Minister.

As a matter of fact, they can make Air India Profitable by charging double fare for passengers, who can spit by opening the window mid-air.

I am sure you will find a huge chunk of population willing to try this.

I got to go now. There is too much litter to be spread and time is not a luxury me.

 

Is Customer a king only for Marketing and sales Teams?

This post has 578 words. It will take approximately 1 minute, 55 secondes for reading it.

How about I start my blog with “Indian consumer is a sitting duck” and then add to this “A hapless duck which is eaten for all meals by every service provider it goes to”.

Yes. We are the Indian Consumers knocking helplessly from one door to another door in search for a better services.customer

We have been consumed and digested by our service providers, who due to lack of strong laws treat us as nobodies.
The accountability is not there because customer is no more the king.
As a matter of fact, the phrase was long dead and is only used as a rhetoric by marketing managers to train their teams.

And how well do they train them is anyone’s guess.

We remain the kings till the advance amount is debited from our account. Post the debit, they make us realize our mistakes the hard way.

In last few months, I have been a part of many harrowing experiences from our so-called MNCs and giants of the industry.

The best part is all of them stand true to the Hindi phrase “नाम बड़े दर्शन छोटे”

One of them is a real estate giant, who despite spending crores of rupees on ads featuring Indian captain does not have enough funds to take care of the society sold to the public or fulfill the basic promises made to the customers while buying the flats.

The second one happens to be the giant of telecom industry. This giant missed the deadline to install lease line internet connection by two month.
The health of an IT company running without a proper internet connection for a month could be anyone’s guess.

The third one is the new telecom entrant, who promises internet baby at an affordable rate. I fell for the trick and till date, the internet baby hasn’t grown up to be an adult.

The fourth is the healthcare giant with chain of hospitals running from south to north. We were charged an astronomical amount for an operation, only to witness substandard services inside the hospital.
I can go on and on. The list is endless.

What makes these fearless corporate giants disgusting is their apathy towards the customers.
They have processes to improve customer support but never a process to give refund or pay back the money for sub standard service.

Their sales team shows you dream and the delivery team asks you to stay in the dreams.
In reality what you get is an egg on your face.

And if you happen to go to any of our courts (consumer/legal), you have the lawyers waiting over there to pull every single penny out of your pocket.

With the cases dragging on and on for years and jumping from one court to another, you can very well kiss good-bye to your normal life by getting entangled in the legal system.

Reminds me of sunny deol from damini.

The endless dates in court will wear you out so badly that you will start hating your life.

To rub it further, our service providers have kept a well-funded legal department to fight consumers like you and me. They might as well spend this money on giving us the value for our money but who wants to have a line of unsatisfied customers outside their office.

They would rather spend this money to set a right example of few of the consumers willing to take the fight head on.

Long live “The Indian Customer”

Every Election opens a trading window of politicians

This post has 529 words. It will take approximately 1 minute, 45 secondes for reading it.

What is common among all elections in India?

I know the list is long: Money, Power, Fake voters, promises…blah-2! But there is one common activity which goes unnoticed in all the Elections.

Hugely inspired by our sports leagues. This is our politician’s answer to IPL.viewphoria-pngindian-politicians

The trading window sees a lot of leaders being traded in between parties on basis of votes, cash, promises and hope.

Yes. You read it right.

The trading window, where politicians jump political parties and make every political party look like a recycled version of the other political party.

With Delhi elections approaching, we have a long list of leaders who have deflected to AAP or BJP.

No one wants to go to Congress, so that makes them the saintly figure in these elections :)  . A rare feet for the grand old party of India. They have suddenly become really old to be a part of trading window ;).

You know what the common trait among these leaders is?

They are grumpy political opportunists, who did not get tickets from their ex-political parties.

Imagine how discouraging it would be for them. They missed out on a golden opportunity to loot the country again but never to be discouraged by such minute incidents, they find other political parties.

On one hand we have Mrs. Krishan Tirath joining BJP after years of serving Congress and on the other we have Shazia Ilmi, Dhir jumping from AAP to BJP.

Frankly speaking, I would not blame Krishna Tirath. She stands true to the idiom “Rats are the first to abandon a sinking ship”.

And as far as the bandwagon of AAP leaders jumping from AAP to BJP is concerned, they signify hypocrisy.

These are the leaders, who had campaigned aggressively against BJP/Congress in last elections.

Suddenly, they have had a change of heart and think BJP is the party with a difference.

Not that, AAP is any far behind, when it comes to giving home to defectors.

AAP has proved its double standards by allowing more than 5 ex-BJP leaders to join them.

Mr. Kejriwal. You definitely are leading by example.

I always thought yours is a party with a difference.

Alas! You are proving to be worse than others. At least, others don’t go around claiming to be clean.

The irony with all these leaders being traded in this trading window lies in their speech. At times you feel like a tape recorder being played in background again and again with a new face in front.

“I am joining this new political party because of the able leadership and clean politics and a promise of better future.

I will take up any role provided by this party. Like my last party, I am going to serve the public of this country with my heart.”

Sir/ma’am I don’t know about able leadership and clean politics but as far as a better future is concerned, you have definitely booked one for yourself.

Since, you promise to serve the country with your heart…I am sure the country can spare a few hundred lakhs for all the public service you will be doing for your motherland.

Can Congress be a dark horse in Delhi Elections?

This post has 428 words. It will take approximately 1 minute, 25 secondes for reading it.

Congress should be thanking their stars for being the underdog in the upcoming elections.

They can very well come out of the blue and surprise us like AAP did in the last elections and then they can tell us “I told you so” or “Never say die” or “Abhi toh picture baaki hai mere dost J “.

Oh Boy! Can my obsession with old Bollywood movies stay out of this please.     Source : jagran.com

I might be going a little overboard with Congress doing wonders in the upcoming elections but hope is still a tax free commodity in the country and this is not year 2011, where Congress can claim to be a majority party everywhere in India.

At least hope is what they can cling on to in the upcoming elections.

Now with Lovely ji acting not so lovely after being overlooked to oversee the elections and being asked to tow the party level.

We understand all is not rosy inside Congress. Not that, other parties are doing any better. Kiran Bedi’s entry has quashed aspiration of quite a few aspiring CM Candidates from BJP and AAP’s long list of unsatisfied leaders have been finding shelter in BJP, leaving the AAP open to a last minute expose from these candidates.

At least, Congress can find solace in this that none of the parties have their house in order.

With AAP proving to be an indecisive party of leaders, Congress can very well get back their lost minority vote bank. A thought that will bring back smile on the face of many of their leaders banking on the minority vote bank.

The focus is on Modi and Kejriwal and to an extent on the new entrant, Kiran Bedi, which leaves congress to be called as the Underdog in these elections.

With BJP leaving the list of its candidates to end moment and AAP fighting the bhagoda tag, Congress could very well surprise us in these elections

And if Rahul Gandhi does not campaign in Delhi, they might as well win a good amount of seats.

Don’t ask me why Rahul Gandhi’s campaigning is an ominous sign. Amit Shah, who seems to have gotten his prediction right with Rahul Gandhi’s election trail is the one behind this prediction and he did get it right the last time elections were held in one of the states.

I cannot vote in Delhi but if I was to vote in delhi, I will be as confused as you would be.

Let’s see if Congress can pull back a surprise or two.